Monday 21 September 2015

Writing life: Why Don't They Get It?

By Cassandra Samuels


I was talking to a writing friend the other day and we were lamenting the fact that sometimes our friends and family just don’t get it. What am I talking about? The writing process. 

It is hard for them to understand we need time to write, that in actual fact we can’t write and do other chores at the same time. It takes personal time away from them, costs money in memberships and courses, conferences and resources, and you haven't even finished your draft manuscript despite the fact you've been writing it for years.


Don't despair.

writingspirit.com

I'm so lucky my husband is very supportive, but it wasn't always easy for my family to understand why I wasn't sitting down watching tv with them at night. My kids still come in to ask me questions like do I know where they left their shoes/ipad/phone? even though they're aware I am writing. I can't blame them, I'm their mother first and a writer next, after all. (And I usually know where everything is!) Sometimes I think they worry about me and just need to make sure I haven't slumped over my keyboard. 

Writing is a mental task and often our family and friends get confused and think it must be like other types of mental tasking that they perform everyday, flitting from an email to FB, then to a YouTube video, and back to an email without too much mental stress. But creative writing is one of those things that is elemental and organic. The act of getting a story from the mind into a publishable manuscript is not easy. In fact, it's very, very hard.


 So, yes, sometimes they just don't get it. But here are some options you might consider:

  • Wait until they are all asleep. (If you are a night person or someone who needs little or no sleep this is a great option.)
  • Get up early while they are all asleep. (If you are a morning person and your brain works at 4am, go for it.)
  • Announce you are going to your desk to write and ask nicely not to be disturbed. (most kids and some adults don't understand this kind of request.)
  • Announce you are going to your desk to write and tell them you are not to be interrupted unless there is a fire or an injury requiring hospitalization. (Depending on the age of your family members this may be taken seriously, or not.)
  • Lock the door and hope for the best. (This could be dangerous if, like me, you write with headphones on, as you may not hear the smoke alarm/banging on the door and therefore fry to a crisp.)
  • Bribery - works best with smaller children who like sweets, and teens who want money. (This option could get you into all sorts of strife with the tooth fairy and your bank manager).
  • Bargain - This is where you bargain for some writing time in return for a nominated time of, for example, kicking the ball around the yard or watching a movie.
  • Put a sign on the outside of your closed (but not locked) door that reminds them you are inside creating. (You know, just in case they forget.)

Image courtesy Dee Scully

  • Sit them down and explain to them what writing is really like for you, how hard it is, and how important it is for you to be left alone to do it. This could be your best bet. You are a 'words' person so use those words to explain in a way that they might understand.
It won't happen over night but it will happen. You may have to persevere until they do grasp the concept. (Only other writers will truly get it.) Try explaining that you need to focus on the world you are in, the emotions of your characters, and the weaving in of crucial plot points, and that this is difficult when constantly interrupted. It requires time and concentration. It requires mental fortitude and it requires others to try and understand this process so that you can achieve your goals.
 

If your partner/husband isn’t particularly supportive of your venture into creative writing and you are serious about writing, you need to sit them down and tell them that this is not a just hobby for you. You need them to understand and respect that your aim is for publication and isn't about creating a story never to see the light of day. You want a published book, and then another and another. This can only be achieved by putting your backside in a chair and your fingers on a keyboard/pen to paper and doing the hours required to finish your story. 






This is your dream but it will be made easier if  you have the support of your family and friends, and their understanding, too. It is in a lot of ways a selfish dream. Let's face it, most creative dreams are. There is no promise of success, even after publication, but don’t let that stop you.
 

Please don't let it stop you.


Have you sat down and had the talk with your family and friends about your writing? Are they supportive or do they just not get it?


Love to love – going to the RWAust conference and meeting up with all my friends.
Love to learn – about how I can make my writing better.
Love to laugh – at early drafts of my work and silly typos.



22 comments:

  1. LOL - All of the above. *sigh* writing is such a lonely existence & even though we make light of our precious time needed at the keyboard it's all so sadly true.
    When I paint I can at least do it with a group of people or other artists in a lounge or dining room if need be :) Of all the creative arts I do, I feel the writing process is the most 'alienative' of them all.

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    1. It really is 'alienative' (great word) and does require us to keep ourselves apart when doing it. I love it though. I love your art and look forward to your little comic pictures Marianne. They always make me laugh.

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  2. There was a great comment by I think Joanna Penn on one of her Creative Penn podcasts about how tiring writing is because you're constantly making decisions. I'd never heard it put like that before but it makes a lot of sense. There are days when I'm so brain fried after a day's writing I can't do much more than collapse on the couch.
    I really feel for writers who don't have a lot of support. That's sad. Thank goodness for the RWAust and online communities. Thanks to them a friendly, understanding chat is just a click away.

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    1. Hear hear Cathryn about RWAust. I would have given up in the early days without their help and support. I would never have found this group or have my great crit partners. I love the Creative Penn and she is so right. I've had brain fry too and everyone is like, why are you so tired, all you did was some writing.

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  3. Hi Cassie, I like the idea of sitting down with your family and explaining why writing is so important to you. I'm lucky I have a husband who supports my writing. He's happy to read the books I read, discuss plotting and characterisation over a cup of coffee, and discuss "what if" with what could happen next. I found it hardest to find writing time when the children were young. It's much easier now, but still not easy.

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    1. Hi Sharon. We are lucky to have such great supportive husbands and it really makes it so much easier to slip away and write, doesn't it? He sounds like a keeper to me. Having a family at any stage is challenging I think. Two of my kids are over 18, but they still live at home and so I am still very much in demand. I love it but it can make it hard to get some solid time alone to write.

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  4. I certainly found it lonely and hard in the beginning. And writing romance! Well! Some looked at me as if I'd grown another head. Now my husband is retired and my children have left the nest, it's easier. DH is very helpful, he researches, proofreads and discusses plots with me, which is great.

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    1. Hi Maggi thanks for dropping by. I don't know how many times I've been given suggestions to write books that other people like. "You could write a James Patterson type book, that would sell millions!" I have nothing against James Patterson but I simply are not drawn to writing that sort of book. I like the Regency period and I love romance (and yes I have had the same look too Maggi) so that is what I write. It is great to know your husband is so helpful as it really is a solo activity most of the time.

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  5. Hi Cassandra, I'm another lucky writer whose husband is very supportive of my writing, but having said that, he still breaks into my time occasionally. I don't think anyone who isn't a writer can appreciate just how difficult it is to get back into 'the zone' after an interruption! I like the idea of a sign outside the closed door. I'll give that a go.

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    1. Yes, I think that is the hardest concept for them to "get" that it takes time to get back into that zone and back into the world of the story we are creating. Let me know if the sign on the door works.

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  6. Hi Cassandra. Time is so precious when it concerns writing, isn't it? But with family obligations, the day job and sudden interruptions, time for writing just gets eaten away. Lucky I'm a night person as that's my free time (when those interruptions don't shout for attention!)

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    1. Hi Enisa. What ever time works best with your lifestyle is the best time to write and it looks like you have made night time your time. Do you ever decline an invitation by family and friends to keep your writing time sacred or do you always cave to the guilt?

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    2. If the situation is one that needs urgent attention I can't say 'no' but if not I let them know I have other obligations.

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  7. I usually close the door, but otherwise my family know not to interrupt.

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    1. Hi Georgia. Well you have them well trained. I wish I could close the door and that be it. You are very lucky. Do you think all those years of having you and hubby at Uni or study has meant that the rest of the family has just got used to it?

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  8. I'm usually up two hours before everybody else and get author-y stuff, including writing, done then. I'm a teacher in my other life, so school stuff usually happens in the evening, which means that, even if there weren't people in the house, I wouldn't have a ton of time to write anytime other than morning.

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    1. Hi Joe, author of The Prey and Kisses and Lies, thanks for dropping by. It's great that the morning works for you, I know quite a few writers who do this. When you have to balance work and writing it can be really difficult to find time. It looks like you have found something that works with your work as a teacher and your family. Well done.

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  9. Fortunately I'm an earlier bird than the people in my house. That's often when I get reading and writing done. By the evening I'm too tired! Every person is different, aren't they?

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    1. Very true Malvina, everyone is different. Some writers can write anywhere like cafes and some need total silence. I like to listen to music while I write as it becomes white noise after a while and stops me from getting distracted by the other noises in the house. I say write in whatever way works for you.

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  10. Excellent post! I have a long commute to my day job, but I don't mind - I travel by train, and just love that period in the morning when I see the wildlife and I get to write, which I do in longhand, even in the technological age.

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    1. Hi Jennifer it's great to see you here. I wrote my first ms on the train (hand written like you). It is amazing how much you can write on the commute from work and back. I still think there is something about handwriting that I love. Have you found the same?

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