Writing life: Why Don't They Get It?

By Cassandra Samuels

I was talking to a writing friend the other day and we were lamenting the fact that sometimes our friends and family just don’t get it. What am I talking about? The writing process. 

It is hard for them to understand we need time to write, that in actual fact we can’t write and do other chores at the same time. It takes personal time away from them, costs money in memberships and courses, conferences and resources, and you haven't even finished your draft manuscript despite the fact you've been writing it for years.


Don't despair.

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I'm so lucky my husband is very supportive, but it wasn't always easy for my family to understand why I wasn't sitting down watching tv with them at night. My kids still come in to ask me questions like do I know where they left their shoes/ipad/phone? even though they're aware I am writing. I can't blame them, I'm their mother first and a writer next, after all. (And I usually know where everything is!) Sometimes I think they worry about me and just need to make sure I haven't slumped over my keyboard. 

Writing is a mental task and often our family and friends get confused and think it must be like other types of mental tasking that they perform everyday, flitting from an email to FB, then to a YouTube video, and back to an email without too much mental stress. But creative writing is one of those things that is elemental and organic. The act of getting a story from the mind into a publishable manuscript is not easy. In fact, it's very, very hard.

 So, yes, sometimes they just don't get it. But here are some options you might consider:

• Wait until they are all asleep. (If you are a night person or someone who needs little or no sleep this is a great option.)
• Get up early while they are all asleep. (If you are a morning person and your brain works at 4am, go for it.)
• Announce you are going to your desk to write and ask nicely not to be disturbed. (most kids and some adults don't understand this kind of request.)
• Announce you are going to your desk to write and tell them you are not to be interrupted unless there is a fire or an injury requiring hospitalization. (Depending on the age of your family members this may be taken seriously, or not.)
• Lock the door and hope for the best. (This could be dangerous if, like me, you write with headphones on, as you may not hear the smoke alarm/banging on the door and therefore fry to a crisp.)
• Bribery - works best with smaller children who like sweets, and teens who want money. (This option could get you into all sorts of strife with the tooth fairy and your bank manager).
• Bargain - This is where you bargain for some writing time in return for a nominated time of, for example, kicking the ball around the yard or watching a movie.
• Put a sign on the outside of your closed (but not locked) door that reminds them you are inside creating. (You know, just in case they forget.)

Image courtesy Dee Scully

• Sit them down and explain to them what writing is really like for you, how hard it is, and how important it is for you to be left alone to do it. This could be your best bet. You are a 'words' person so use those words to explain in a way that they might understand.

It won't happen over night but it will happen. You may have to persevere until they do grasp the concept. (Only other writers will truly get it.) Try explaining that you need to focus on the world you are in, the emotions of your characters, and the weaving in of crucial plot points, and that this is difficult when constantly interrupted. It requires time and concentration. It requires mental fortitude and it requires others to try and understand this process so that you can achieve your goals.
 

If your partner/husband isn’t particularly supportive of your venture into creative writing and you are serious about writing, you need to sit them down and tell them that this is not a just hobby for you. You need them to understand and respect that your aim is for publication and isn't about creating a story never to see the light of day. You want a published book, and then another and another. This can only be achieved by putting your backside in a chair and your fingers on a keyboard/pen to paper and doing the hours required to finish your story. 

This is your dream but it will be made easier if  you have the support of your family and friends, and their understanding, too. It is in a lot of ways a selfish dream. Let's face it, most creative dreams are. There is no promise of success, even after publication, but don’t let that stop you.
 

Please don't let it stop you.

Have you sat down and had the talk with your family and friends about your writing? Are they supportive or do they just not get it?

Love to love – going to the RWAust conference and meeting up with all my friends.

Love to learn – about how I can make my writing better.

Love to laugh – at early drafts of my work and silly typos.