Monday 18 September 2017

What is Love? Part 4 - Body Language

By Cassandra Samuels

Body language. We know we use it, sometimes unconsciously, sometimes not, in our everyday lives. You've probably seen enough TV to know it is helpful in solving crimes, eg. the TV series Tell Me Lies (a show that follows a group of deception experts), and more recently the TV show Bull.

But what about body language when it comes to love, to attraction, to desire?

It's a complicated science but there are some simple things to do to show that you are attracted to another. Some are subtle and some not so subtle. Here are a few:

Courtesy of Communication

Open gestures of availability are things like uncrossed arms and legs, smiling, and looking the other person in the eyes. All these indicate interest in the other person and attraction.

Mimicking the other person is playing mirror-mirror, i.e. copying the other person's poses and gestures. If they tilt their head you do too; if they smile and blink, you copy. Purposely holding back on these indicators has been shown to actually make the other person more interested in you (delayed gratification anyone?). It is because they see their own attraction reflected in your body language.

Less subtle, perhaps, is hair flicking and exposing of the neck that women sometimes do when presented with a handsome man. You can try wearing your hair down, and keeping hands and wrists visible to display the soft skin of the wrists is also highly attractive for men.

Tilting your head can expose pheromones which can send a pretty strong message to the other person that you would like them to kiss you or at least get closer to you. The neck is a highly erogenous zone. Biting the lips or licking the lips is another way of showing you wish to be kissed by that other person.

Delaying a smile or a head tilt when you first meet a person you like can make the eventual showing of your attraction, by mimicry or other hints, more powerful, and make the other person feel like you have rewarded them and see you in an even better light.

courtesy of Pexels
Using the tone of your voice, lowering it or slowing down your speech patterns a little, can indicate attraction (not everyone can have the natural low husky tones of Demi Moore).

How can you read the signs of attraction? When we are attracted to someone, we blush. It is said to mimic the orgasm effect where we get flushed. It is a natural way the body tries to attract the opposite sex.

Is your heart racing when you look at that certain someone? This is another sign of attraction. Check out the feet of the person you are attracted to. Are they pointing your way? Yes? Then he is certainly interested, if not totally attracted to you. Facing away? You are not in the race.

These are just a few ways to gauge attraction. The topic of body language is huge and would take years to master, but I hope you have enjoyed this brief overview.

Next time you are in a local café, take note of the body language of the pair at the next table. Are they attracted to each other or just friends?

Have you ever met someone and felt your heart rate speed up and your face heat? And did it lead to seeing that person again?

Love to Love meeting my new grandson.

Love to Laugh at funny cartoons.

Courtesy of

Love to Learn about Body Language.


  1. Hi Cassandra. Body language is a great device when working on the characters in our books so I will admit to watching people closely. The signs of attraction that you mention were so easy to see in days gone by. Today, not really. I see a lot of couples sitting together but there's no 'attraction' body language. They don't sit close together. They don't talk. They are too busy checking their phones. And then they get up and walk off, and still they look at their phones.

    1. It's a real problem isn't out Enisa. With online dating it almost like shopping for a mate. We can only hope outs a phase and interaction comes back into fashion.

  2. Hi Cassandra! I have a heap of books on body language and love to read about it and to observe it out in the wild (so to speak ;)), but I have to agree with Enisa's assessment that phones are playing havoc with those signs of attraction. It came home to me recently when I travelled by train (something I rarely do). It amazed me how quiet the carriage was, despite being filled with people. Everyone was focused on their phones and there were only 2 people engaged in talking to one another. Boy, did they sound LOUD! lol. BTW, I've felt the whole heart-beating-rapidly thing and, yes, I did see him again - in fact, I married him ;).

    1. And what a great decision it was he's definitely a keeper. I have to admit when I was riding the train I was usually reading. I did love trying to see what everyone was reading.

  3. Hi Cassandra, body language is a fascinating topic. I think knowledge of this area of psychology is invaluable for a writer.

    1. Thanks Sharon. I agree and these few things I've mentioned don't even scratch the surface of the subject. It truly is fascinating.

  4. I love people watching. Cafes and airports are prime places of fascination for me. I can also remember watching Hey Hey It's Saturday years ago and Darryl Somers was interviewed about body language, and he got so self conscious he ended up sitting on his hands and saying he felt like he couldn't move and needed to be 'perfectly sitless' - made me laugh! A fascinating topic, and so interesting in a romance novel when you get those subtle cues authors write in about attraction. Thanks for a great post.


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