Writing Through Illness - My Story.

By Cassandra Samuels

In 2014 my debut book A Scandalous Wager was accepted for publication.

My dream since I was fifteen was coming true. I thought the rest of my author life would just fall in line. I was wrong.

I never factored in illness.

In 2015 I started A Scandalous Secret, but was tired all the time and finding it hard to get into my creative space. Something wasn’t right. I already suffered from achilles tendonitis in both ankles, but now I had a pain in my toes that ached all day and kept me awake at night. I was a hot mess! I’d been diagnosed with seronegative arthritis eighteen months after my daughter was born but I had muddled through for over eighteen years and it had never stopped me from doing what I needed to do.

This was different.

Courtesy of Sage Friedman - upsplash

After a few tests my specialist said I had Rheumatoid Arthritis. Okay, I thought, just get some new medication and get on with things, but it wasn’t to be for me. The next two years were filled with multiple medications, with debilitating pain and disappointment, and with side effects that left me wondering if I was ever going to feel like a functioning person again. I had brain fog, I lost a lot of my hair and there were times when certain parts of my body just didn’t want to cooperate or move at all. My stomach was a war zone with constant cannon fire audible to everyone. The worst was the fatigue, both mental and physical.

I couldn’t write.

courtesy of Max Van Den Oetelaar - upsplash

In fact, at times I struggled to make a decision as simple as which pair of black pants to wear to work. I had over 200 sick days built up before my diagnosis. Now I struggled to get through a week without needing a day or more off. I started injections that were supposed to suppress my immune system and stop my body from fighting itself, plus strong anti-inflammatories. Nothing worked.

Somehow through all this I managed to re-write, not once but twice, my current book, Collector of Hearts. It has taken me four years to get another book on the digital shelves. That it’s finally out there is testament to my determination and the support of my family, friends and critique partners, not to mention the understanding and patience of my editor.

Today, I am still struggling. I am on a new weekly injection that is, indeed, suppressing my immune system. The downside of it is, though, that I am more likely to pick up an illness – a cold or infection – and that I will most likely get it worse than someone who has an immune system to fight it. It will also take longer to recover. Fatigue is a constant battle, making it extra challenging to find time to write around a full-time job.

This takes a toll on my mental health as well. Stress is particularly bad for me and I am always trying to keep it together – not always successfully. I constantly feel like I am letting people down — my readers, my family, my work colleagues and myself.

There is one constant – I want to write.

I want to keep creating stories for people to enjoy. I may not be churning out the books as fast as I want to, but my will is strong and I will keep at it until the next book is written, and the next one and the next one. Why? Because I love it.

For me completing a book is not just a mission completed or a job well done, it is a triumph over my illness.

If you want to know more about Rheumatoid Arthritis click on this link.

Have you every had to fight through illness to do the thing you love?

Love to love: Younger - tv show on Stan Australia.

Love to laugh: At my funny little grandsons, Ryan, Finn and Eli

Love to learn: New things I can do on my laptop.